Huntin' & Peckin'

The kilter was off today: the smoke from the BBQ fire found me where 'ere I sat, I burnt supper on the new grilltray (while tending it in, perhaps, an over attentive way), the flies were everywhere, a doorknob ceased to turn. Then the cat, that paragon of independence, needed help with everything: the door, the food, attention, communication in general.

Despite my best intentions (even despite my knowing that it's better not to be irked by the small stuff) I was irked by these things. I broke a wooden spoon, smashing it against the bricks of the fire-pit while cursing in an embarrassing manner. I hit the cat while it was on the table getting at the food, which caused it to jump, spill the milk and dump the fresh blueberries (once again I cursed an embarrassingly raunchy streak, while picking up the blueberries from the ground). Only after this silliness could I calm down enough to fix the doorknob. That went well.

But I'm asking you this question: What should I do about putting myself in irksome situations? I was cooking over the fire (I decided to grill vegetables from the garden, along with some sausage, on a new "Pampered Chef BBQ Grilltray" (clearly not sold on this thing yet) because Margruite was mowing the lawn, and it only seemed right to make supper in a way that she would appreciate.), which I really don't like to do (unless we're out on a canoe trip, and then the necessity of it makes it seem all right.). I was sitting outside where the flies are, expecting I could relax and read. There were cats around, and the myth of the independent and aloof cat is, well, a myth. (Cats are just assholes that some people appear to appreciate, for one reason or another. For me, if they mouse, they can have a place on the yard and I will spend money to feed them. If not, I have a .22. I will use it. Cat's are mostly assholes, so am I.)

Back to the question. What about putting yourself in a place where you know that there's a decent chance that you'll leave that place less satisfied with yourself, and your place in the world, then when you got there? Me? Sometimes I think it's good practice to do this, as long as your practicing not becoming less satisfied. Obviously getting paid helps, so, if I'm getting paid to be in an irksome place, I can usually manage pretty well. But for the most part I have a guilt complex that somehow seems to tell me that if I'm not pretty regularly doing things that are hard and frustrating, then I'm not doing my duty here on earth. Somehow I've grown up (yes yes yes that's debatable) to believe that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, when I'm doing things that piss me off. And, of course, this pisses me off! (A stroke of irony!) But I'm huntin' for an answer; I'm peckin' away at it.

Oh, dear reader.
What shall I do?