06 August 2010

If he shows up, be prepared (fiction?)

It'll probably go something like this. You'll be waiting in line at the Credit Union, or the COOP grocery, or maybe you've just filled up at the gas bar and there's one or two people ahead of you, and he'll walk in, and you'll see him for an instant and then turn away so that you don't make eye contact - because you don't, can't really, want to talk - you're busy, things to do (well not really, but that's what you're going to say if he sees you and stops to talk, which is kind of a misrepresentation, because that implies a conversation, but this will just be him going off on one thing or another, while everyone else around breathes a sigh of relief as they see that they dodged it, while there you are taking one for the team). Because he will see you and walk over and say hello and smile and go straight into how nice the weather is and how bad the crops are these days because it's hot, too hot - over hot, he'll say. "Over hot because we keep driving these damn cars, even when it's nice out and we could be walking!" And then he'll got into the irony, the snake-eating-its-own-tail of the agriculture industry, and the banking industry, and the whole damn economic system that says we go to do more of the same - more chemicals and oil and gas for the farmers, more credit and leverage, more manipulation of interest rates and bailing out - in order to solve the problems. He'll say, "It's as if they think we can dig out way out of the hole - like eventually we'll get the hole up to ground-level if we just keep at it.

And you'll try to get a word in, but mostly you'll nod and smile and agree, while he tells you that this is all not the way Jesus want us to live. That he wants us to be free - to free our souls of the things of this Earth. And did I know that Jesus agreed with the Mayans who said that the cycles come and go and that all this - he'll wave his hand around at the bags of chips on the molded plastic and wire shelves rotating and keeping the ice cream cold - frozen - at all the colours, red and yellow, black and white. That in the end we will wish we were dead. We'll wish, we'll pray for the mountains to fall on us, that the last shall be first and the first shall be last?

And you'll keep smiling as the line moves up and it's your turn to pull out your debit card and swipe it, smile at the teenage girl clerking, who's struggling and smiling too - thanking you, in her own way for bearing up under it - and you'll punch in your personal identification number. Get it wrong the first time because behind you he's reminding you, with a laugh, about the mark of the beast - the devil's number - and you'll say, absent-mindedly - with a chuckle too - that your personal identification number is not six six six. Which will cause you to focus for the moment, to punch in the right number - while he laughs and reminds you that it's a symbolic thing. That it's the idea of the number - not the actual, the literal, manifestation of it.

So you turn to head out - thanking the clerk, and forgetting to buy that litre of oil you were going to put in the car when you got home, because you think it's low. Then, as you're walking out, you'll turn to him, you'll say, "I gotta go man. See you 'round?" And he'll smile too. He'll say "sure." He'll say your name. He'll look at you. Look you right in the eye. And you will know, right then, that he knows exactly what just happened. What he did. What you did. Who he is. Who you are. And right then you'll look into his eyes, and you will, you will see yourself there - in that wild grin. In those eyes. You'll really see. You won't be able to look at him for long. Maybe a second. Then you'll duck your head. Mumble, "Well anyway."

And "Yeah," he'll say. "Anyway. What the hell, eh?" he'll say. "It's all bullshit, eh?"

"Right," you'll say, and raise your hand behind you as if pushing back, and you'll stride out into the light, and head over to your car, where you'll sit down, plug the key into the ignition, turn it, look up into the rear-view mirror, just to see if someone's behind you as you pull out and off the lot, and into traffic.

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