What kind of winning are you talking about PK, you might ask. Well, that's a good question. In my case it's the kind of result that makes me feel like I competed to my potential, and didn't make the sorts of mistakes that I shouldn't make. Yesterday I made one of those mistakes, again. And the thing is, the mistake I made was to think too much about the very mistake I was about to make, that is, that I was going to think too much about how the race was going, and by thinking too much about making a mistake, I was going to make one. Which I did.
It (or I) went down like this: It's the third lap. I've ridden well so far. I'm ahead of my starting position (20th) and riding alone. I'm working on bridging the gap between the middle pack of 10 or so riders and the front pack of 10 or so. I'm feeling pretty good. I've just ridden out of the river pathway (the race was at La Barrier Park) and I'm heading up to an open grassy hill that I'll have to cycle up and down and around in various twists and turns. As I head toward a turn that will take me down, and then around and back up again, I do it. I look up the hill at the rest of the course, looking for the lead riders. Looking for one of those lead riders (who shall remain nameless) in fact, and I see him. Or I think I do. Then, it happens. I turn back to what I should have been looking at - the course - and realize I'm a yard or two away from crashing into the fence. So I turn hard, the back tire slides, the front wheel jams, and I'm scudding along the grass (a little raspberry action on my left elbow and shin). By the time I've picked up the bike, adjusted the front wheel so that it spins, three riders have passed me, and the lead group is another 30 seconds ahead - which is an awfully long lead in cyclocross.
I ride the rest of the race well. I'm totally exhausted by the end of it. I haven't seen the results yet, but I think I placed around 15th, which is well into the top half of the field, and which is to say that I held my position after my dump. Still, I'd feel more like I winner if I wasn't so likely to beat myself mentally.
I'm a mental weenie out there on the track. I'm distracted by stuff that will only hurt me. I want to get better, I really do, but I'm starting to think that this is just the state of things for me - mental weenieness. Ah well. They say it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game that counts. Too true. And I don't play the game that well most of the time. Crap.
Ride report
in: 7'C wind 10ks SE
out: 16'C wind 10 ks SSE
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