I can always find a way to make it worse

Someone once said "Honesty is the best policy." Someone did not include "all the time" in the statement. I believe Someone was right in this omission. It is not always best to be honest. Take the following two recent (oh so very recent) situations and help me judge how Someone would have implemented that sage advice:

Situation 1

Having completed a grand run of preparation and presentation of a great high school musical, we the directors sat together to write thank yous to our cast and crew. We would each write a paragraph or so. Our observations and thanks would complement one another. We would say good things. As I began to write in the second card I paused and turned to my colleague and said: "Should we be worried that they might share what we write to them, with the other cast and crew?" She responded that she hadn't thought about it till just then. She smiled and shrugged, and went back to writing. I took that as a firm "Good question, but I don't have a good answer." So I forgot my concern and went on writing. I was honest most times. Sometimes I was a bit enthusiastic, to be encouraging, but mostly I was honest. I felt good about the process as we handed out the cards.

Of course they compared notes! What was I thinking?! And in one case it turned into a good-natured, but potentially intense exchange (that turned out really well and I thank the good graces and maturity of the two people involved). Nevertheless, honesty, or even the appearance of honesty, doesn't always make things best. Unless we need to clarify how we understand "best" in this, and every other context, it's reasonable to say that there will be times when your honest opinion is going to make things harder for you, and may in fact be destructive to the recipient of your honest talk.

Situation 2

Sitting around a table with friends that we haven't sat around the table with for a long time. The conversation moves along nicely. We catch up. At some point one of those tickety books finds its way onto the table. You know, the ones that are raffles for one community cause or another, and one of you gets stuck with selling them, or just straight up buying the whole book yourself to avoid the social discomfort. (Does anyone actually enjoy selling these things? Who comes up with these plans to raise funds? Do they like to sell these things? Why do we do things like this that most (I think I could say "all," but I won't) of us really don't feel comfortable doing?) As I say, the booklet is on the table, with several tickets already purchased. I see it. I say to myself, I'm going to assume it's not there, until someone makes it clear that to me that the thing in fact exists.

For the first half of the evening this works. But at the halfway point, the intermission, the owner of the booklet does the deed. He even prefaces his pitch with a disclaimer. Something like, "Well here we are, and I won't take it the wrong way if you don't say yes, but ..." Then he launches into the spiel, and it becomes clear that, although the prize being raffled is not insignificant, it's nothing that I'm interested in, and the cause is too close and personal for the seller to have enough distance to actually mean "I won't take it the wrong way." He would. In so many ways. So I bought a ticket.

It cleaned out my wallet to buy that ticket. I'm no widow. I've got more mites in my bank account. It's not that big a deal, but you know that if honesty were the best policy I'd have called him on it right there and said, "What do you mean you won't take it the wrong way if I don't say yes?"

And what good would it have done? Of course if I wasn't feeling a bit strapped these days, the wallet-cleaning would not have been much of an issue. The issue is, I think, that mostly what's best, if you want to avoid discomfort, is to lie. I should have said I didn't have any cash on me. I should have assumed that anything written will be read. In fact I probably should not be writing this right now.

You've got my back right? True dat.

Ride report

in: -15'C wind NNE 10 ks

out: -8'C wind N 10 ks